How Much Should You Help Your Kids in Retirement?

“Mom, can you cover a few months of rent?”

The asks from your kids often start out small.

You say “yes” without stopping to run the numbers.

Then next time, the ask gets bigger.

“Dad, I'm short on the down payment.”

Again, you say “yes” without running the numbers.

And just like that, a string of small “yeses” has quietly started to reshape your own retirement.

The quiet shift changing Canadian families

Parents are playing a larger role in helping adult children get into the housing market. 

The Bank of Canada found that the share of first-time-buyer mortgages co-signed by a parent rose from 4% in 2004 to about 11% in 2025.¹

For some families, that means part of the wealth transfer is happening while parents are still here, rather than only through a will.

There are real benefits to that.

You get to watch your child get the keys to a home and share in the feeling that your sacrifice made a difference.

But there are also downsides, since money given today is money that’s no longer working for you across a retirement that could last 30 years or more.

Why it can be so hard to say no to your kids

Part of what makes this so tricky is that saying no to your own child can feel like failing them.

And the pressure on younger generations is real.

Many young people are facing a housing market and cost of living that look very different from what you might have faced as att the same age. 

The instinct to help close that gap can be strong.

But that instinct can lead to decisions made quickly and emotionally, one phone call at a time, with no sense of how they add up.

The danger is rarely one large gift.

It’s the steady drip of generosity that never gets measured against the bigger picture.

A hard conversation worth having with your kids

The good news is that none of this has to be an intense conversation.

It can be a handful of honest questions, asked out loud instead of left to assumption.

Questions like:

Is this a one-time gift or something ongoing?

A planned, one-time gift can be easier to build around. Open-ended support with no clear

end is harder and more difficult to walk back once it becomes the norm.

Is it a gift or a loan?

Both are fine.

What causes friction is when nobody clearly says which one it is.

Can you really afford it, or does it just feel like you can?

There’s a difference between money sitting in an account and money that’s free to give.

Some of what looks available may already have a job in your future. Before giving, ask whether your retirement plan still works if you live longer than expected, markets are weaker for a period, or care costs arise later.

If there is more than one child, could this create friction later?

Fair does not always mean equal in the moment.

But when one child receives significant help, parents should decide whether that support will be documented and whether they intend to equalize things later through their estate plan.

When families talk about these questions early, they can reduce friction later.

Kids stop assuming and parents stop dreading the next call.

Why securing yourself first is the generous choice

Think of the safety instructions on a plane.

Secure your own oxygen mask first, then help the people beside you.

It’s not selfish since you’re making sure your own footing is solid first.

Then you can give freely because you know exactly what you can afford to give.

One of the most generous things you can do for your children is avoid becoming a financial burden on them later.

Helping them into a home today doesn’t help anyone if it means you need to lean on them in 15 years, or if it quietly shifts your own care costs onto their shoulders down the road.

The bottom line

Wanting to help your kids is one of the most natural instincts there is, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The goal is simply to do it intentionally, with the full picture in front of you, instead of one phone call at a time.

The right answer is different for every family but before you say yes, it’s worth seeing how that help fits into your retirement income, health-care, estate, and long-term financial plans.

But are you unsure of where the line is for your own situation?

Join us at our next seminar on Tuesday, July 14th at 7 p.m., in person at the Silver Springs Golf and Country Club.

Seating is limited and you do need to register. Visit morethanmoneyradio.com or connect with us on Facebook to save your spot.

At PKAG, we help Canadians build retirement plans that account for all of the pieces of your retirement life, not just the financial one. And we’ve retired hundreds of times with our clients, and learned what makes a retirement “successful”

If you have any questions, feel free to contact us. You can also book a meeting and we’ll go through your plan in person.

We look forward to hearing from you.

This commentary is intended to provide general information and should not be construed as tax, legal, financial, or other advice. Individual circumstances and current events are critical to sound planning; anyone wishing to act on the information presented should consult with his or her tax, legal or financial advisor.

This information, including any opinion, is based on various sources believed to be reliable, but its accuracy cannot be guaranteed and is subject to change.David Popowich, Faisal Karmali, Leanna Wachniak, Robert Gerrie are Investment Advisors with

CIBC Wood Gundy in Calgary. The views of David Popowich, Faisal Karmali, Leanna

Wachniak, Robert Gerrie do not necessarily reflect those of CIBC World Markets Inc.

CIBC Private Wealth consists of services provided by CIBC and certain of its subsidiaries, including CIBC Wood Gundy, a division of CIBC World Markets Inc.

¹ Bank of Canada, When parents co-sign a mortgage to help their adult children buy their first home, April 2026. The Bank found parental co-signing among first-time-buyer mortgages rose from 4% in 2004 to about 11% in 2025.